I have been here for about a week and a half. I took this assignment because I truly felt it was a calling to come and help the people of New York. In the time I have been here I have lost a lot of patients. I have kept a lot of my patients alive for the time being, but not truly knowing to what end. I have reflected on what good have I really done..? This has potential to be a soul-crushing question.
Since day 1 I have been assigned to unit 9B. Almost every single traveler rotates assignments each shift, but I have been lucky and fortunate to have a consistent assignment. I was told after my first shift by my charge nurse that she was going to request me to stay there and ever since I have! I have been embraced by my unit and they even joke around calling me a staffer (an original employee from the hospital). I feel blessed to feel part of their team and feel acceptance by them.
The reason why that is important to me is because the staff is the reason I am here. They are the reason I can feel proud to be here and feel like I am making a difference. If I can take a patient from three different nurses, that means maybe they will each be able to take a break during the night and actually enjoy the food they are eating. Maybe they will be able to stress a little bit less during the night. I feel I can get them to smile and laugh during the night. These nurses have been in this fight a lot longer than I have. They have dealt with more tragedy and loss than I have and will. They have been overworked and over stressed and over exposed to this virus. This is the reason I am here and I am proud to embrace that as my calling.
That does not mean I am not going to do everything I can for every patient. I would love to be apart of saving at least one life while I am here. I just know I need to have a vision and a purpose of my assignment so that I don't get discouraged or depressed.
Some of the coolest people I have ever worked with. They have been to hell and back over the past couple of months and are still in the fight. It helps give me energy and motivation to work hard. I am only here for four weeks. Like coach Wall (my high school football coach) used to say... When this is all done I want to be able to look in the mirror and know I did everything I could. I want to leave it all out on the field.